


Who were you?

by passeri



Category: Destiny (Video Game)
Genre: Gen, Identity, guardians vs their memories
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-18
Updated: 2017-09-18
Packaged: 2018-12-31 03:48:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,124
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12123879
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/passeri/pseuds/passeri
Summary: Being resurrected as a blank slate bothers Jacoby and Rom both, but for different reasons.





	Who were you?

 

 

“Rom, are we good to go?” Jacoby’s voice was a hoarse whisper to Rom’s left, almost lost against the rush of wind hugging the cosmodrome’s bones.

Knelt on the ground, straddling a still thrashing Vandal, Rom grunted her response as she drove her blade into the narrow suture where it’s helmet met its neck.  Dark blood welled around the opened seam— a trickle at first— until she twisted the blade sharply, releasing a hiss of ether. The fallen’s frantic protests ended quickly: it’s three fingered hands went slack and dropped lifelessly away from her arms.  For a moment Rom waited, still crouched in the bloodied snow, watching for movement before she dared to pull the knife free.  “That should be that,” she said, running the knife along the fabric of her pants to clean away the blood and silvery ether.

If she’d had to wager a guess, she’d place it and the few other dead fallen they’d dispatched as a part of a small scouting contingent.  Nothing that the two of them had been looking for, but fallen were to be expected wherever you went in the cosmodrome. In small numbers they were rarely a hassle, so the work had been relatively quick, but it still felt like a rookie move when they were trying to maintain a low profile. From under her hood she couldn’t help but consider them.  They were trying to survive just as she was, she’d felt its anger and, eventually, its desperation.  She’d killed it anyways— but it wasn’t as if having guns pointed in your face left much room to maneuver.  

Behind her Jacoby shifted on his feet, his rifle lowered but his gaze still trained on the horizon.  “If it’s done then we should move on, I’d prefer to get out of here before the sun sets,” he called out.

Rom stood up and stretched, taking the moment to reload her gun before she turned to face him.  “What’s the rush big guy?” she asked, “I thought we were making good time.”  

He gave her a quick glance, the warm orange plates of his face shifting briefly to annoyance. He said, “I don’t know, might have something to do with the fact that I glow in the dark.  It doesn’t help that I can see better than you in low light if some lucky dreg pops a shot at my head.”  

She snickered, scuffing her boots in the frozen dirt to knock away some of the snow that still clung to them. “Well I have some bad news for you buddy, you’re already a literal spotlight for trouble based on the glare off your head alone.  Besides, on the off chance that things do go south Lily’s whole function is to bring you right back”, she said gesturing to the pale ghost drifting softly over the fallen bodies. Lily didn’t offer a response, but Jacoby’s poor attempt at glowering said enough for them both.  “Still,” she said “I’m not exactly raring to get stuck out here.  It would be nice to get back to the city in time to get a real meal.”  

Leaving the scene, they walked close, quiet except for the occasional crunch of snow where the wind hadn’t blown it away to reveal dry grass and worn cement. It was a familiar scenario, they’d gone out into the wild countless times before, explored different planets for different reasons depending on the Vanguards whims, but they were always there to watch each other’s backs. For a time Rom had been fine working alone, she’d valued it even. Still, she couldn’t help but admit that she felt safer— stronger— having Jacoby around to bail her out of trouble.  She let the thought linger as they approached the Skywatch. The rusted metal of golden age architecture rose around them— faded lettering denoting a more hopeful vision of the future— one that had never come to pass. A few lights still flickered inside, but otherwise the building was still.  Even so, they pushed forward with caution.  It would be too easy for someone— something— to get the drop on them in the tight hallways.

They were there for information. Ikora had sent them after data sets locked away in golden age technology, though the trouble was less to do with locating the data and more to do with the derelict state of the terminal they needed to extract it from.  It was a miracle it turned on at all, something that Rom’s ghost, Orion, made a point to remark on as he went to work preening the unintelligible files from its databanks. It would have felt like a simple success, Orion’s protests aside, had Jacoby not seemed ill at ease. She couldn’t help but notice: The exo drummed his fingers against his scout rifle and though he kept his gaze locked on the southern entrance he didn’t seem to be truly watching anything.  Rom cleared her throat, drawing his attention.  He peered at her owlishly for a brief moment, glowing blue eyes large in the low lighting, before he turned his head again without responding. She waited, unsure if he’d just thought she was trying to get him to quit fidgeting.  The drumming quickly resumed however, and she drew her lips into a thin line. “What’s wrong?” she asked, staring him down as he tried to look more interested in the exposed piping by the floor.  

He almost shrank back at the sound of her voice, and for another moment he didn’t answer.  The silence mandated by their situation suddenly seemed tense for reasons not related to their surroundings.  “Does it ever get to you?” he asked.  She threw him a puzzled glance, not understanding what he was trying to say. Jacoby realized this and sighed, finally meeting her eyes in the dim light.  “What we are I mean,” he said with a softness that his face would not allow “How we’ve been brought back for this fight.  Does it ever feel like it’s all that you are?”  

It made her feel uneasy, Jacoby had always seemed the model fit for a guardian’s duty— or at least a guardian of the tower.   When he reported to Zavala the weight of their charge seemed nearly nonexistent.  Perhaps it usually was, just not at this moment.  “It isn’t though…” She said it almost as a question.  It was her turn to look away, to avoid his gaze.  

Jacoby hummed, “That’s true, but it can be hard not to think that way when you don’t have anything to connect you to a life outside of the tower.”  He paused for a moment, as if judging his next words. “Do you have any memories? Of who you were before?  You were resurrected not too far from, here right? On earth at least, I mean.”

Rom frowned at the question, shrugging, “Not really.  I don’t think so anyways.  Or… at least nothing definite or clear.”  She took a moment to inspect the edge of her cloak, torn now from their earlier scuffle, before she continued, “I maybe have an impression here or there.  They’re all warmer at any rate, so either I’m not from here or its all wishful thinking.”

From his place at the terminal Orion floated into view, “well for what it’s worth you were by a bunch of cars so… road trip?”  She gave a short smile as he chuckled and got back to work.

Jacoby didn’t seem as amused by her dismissal.  “Do you ever wish you remembered more?” he asked.

She looked to him again, showing no trace of her earlier nervousness, “No.”

He looked almost taken aback before regarding her thoughtfully, “You really—?”

“No. Why should I want to remember? Isn’t who I am now enough?” she cut him off sharply, sounding more frustrated than she wished to.  Silence stretched between them, and Orion and Lily both ceased their work to look them over.  If they wanted to interject they didn’t, grateful as she would have been for the intrusion.

Jacoby shook his head and sighed, “Maybe it’s easier to say that when you don’t remember anything.  It’s a nice sentiment I guess.”

Rom swallowed hard. “I’m sorry, that came out wrong.” Jacoby waved her off and shrugged, leaning back against the sturdiest pillar he could find. She chewed the inside of her cheek.  There was no easy explanation for why she didn’t want to know, at least not one that she expected too many others to understand. Yet as much as she’d tried to avoid the topic with herself and her fellows, it was still hanging between them now. Rubbing at the back of her neck she did her best to fill the silence, “It’s just. I don’t know who I was. Myself before all of this? Might as well be a complete stranger— a separate person. I— that person— had dreams, people they cared about.  None of that exists anymore.”  The words felt sour in her mouth, the feeling of being unable to talk her way around the problem was unpleasant to her.  “I’m ok being who I am right now.  Maybe you’re right. I don’t remember anything so I don’t have to spend time regretting what I might have lost.” She said, turning to softly place a hand on his arm. “That’s for me though, I haven’t had to make peace with losing something I don’t remember ever having.  How much do you remember Jac?”

The smile he offered was half-hearted, but he gave her a nonchalant pat on the head to break the tension. “Honest Rom? Not enough,” he said and for a moment Rom thought he might leave it at that.  “Everything I have is fragmented. They’re vivid, as real to me as you are before me right now, but I honestly couldn’t tell you if that makes it the truth.”  He shrugged and turned to the ghosts at the terminal, who were still watching as silent observers, and said, “Do you two think you could wrap it up? Like I said earlier, let’s try not to be out here long enough that I become a flashlight.”

“Is there anything to say that guardian’s can’t recover more of their memories?” she asked. She wanted to know, for him if for no other reason.

He seemed uncertain when he spoke. “I’m not sure, I wouldn’t be surprised if someone had figured it out.  My issue might just be an exo one” he gestured to his temple, “to many resets have a way of scrambling things up, even if I am only at 9.”

Lily drifted up from the terminal, floating slowly over Rom’s shoulder to where she could better see Jacoby. Although she was usually composed, and harder for Rom to read than Orion was, the ghost seemed bothered. “Jacoby, if I knew how to help I would have brought you back with your memories to begin with. I don’t know if it is a consolation, but please know that this is not something I’ve kept from you deliberately.”

A genuine chuckle escaped him and he shook his head. “I know Lily, none of this is on you.  This is just the way it is.  We should really finish up here though, I think I’ve had enough personal conversations in ruins for one day.”

Rom smiled softly, twisting to look at Orion who had finally gone back to finishing the extraction, “well?”

The lights on the decrepit console powered down, and the bright ghost twirled enthusiastically, “We’re good to go! You two should be pleased.  You had time for your heart to heart and no one even interrupted.  Given our usual luck I would have expected to trigger a trap or summon some fallen horde.”

“Careful, we’re not out of here yet Ori.” Rom chided.

“Fair enough. I’ll transmit the data and the mission feed— though I can cut your little conversation if you’d prefer to keep that private.” He said, undeterred. She hadn’t stopped to think of the transmission.

“Would you?” Jacoby asked, “because that would be great.  We came out here to give the vanguard data, not let them listen in on our personal problems.”  

“You never know, they might have had thoughts like this themselves,” Orion said as Rom leaned forward, extending her hand to Jacoby to pull him away from the wall. “Might be worth asking at least, it’s better to talk about it than to pretend it doesn’t bother you.”

Jacoby hummed softly, holding her gaze, “Maybe. I will if she does.”

Rom sighed, but the annoyance was superficial, “I’m not making any promises here”

“I’m not asking you to” he said,” but I am serious.  Either way, it can wait until we’re home. Ready to go?”

“Yeah.”


End file.
